Who am I kidding? Gluttony is Sin

"And put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite". *Proverbs 23:2

“Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” Proverbs 9:17

 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control ; against such things there is no law" *Galatians 5:22-23

"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls". *Prov. 25:8

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God". 1 Cor. 10:31

As I read over these verses and as I've been mulling over them...there is a theme for me personally... If I want to glorify God in my life, I need to surrender my appetites... Many people struggle with addictions, obsessions etc. Yet, as a follower of Jesus Christ, a mark of a believer is to have self-control; to be disciplined, because that is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and living a Spirit lead life is imperative.

Many of us have heard of messages about the benefits of walking in the Spirit and the consequences of walking in the flesh. I'd like to be able to say that I always walk in the Spirit, lead by the power of the Holy Spirit, but that would most definitely be a lie. Lately, my blog posts have been about struggles with weight, image etc. Today, is no different.

"But if you fail to keep your word, then you will have sinned against the LORD, and you may be sure that your sin will find you out". *Numbers 32:23

Well, what is my sin? The sin is, gluttony and misuse of food...I'm what people call an emotional eater. I've been heavy most of my life, but as in the last blog post I've had some brief periods of being "thin" for me.

Sometimes I do pretty good with having control of portions or watching what types of food I eat, but there are more times that I don't do well. I've been guilty of:

• overeating
• eating at night
• not eating
• eating the wrong things 
• eating in secret ***

I truly wish I had a grip on this and could maintain consistent self-control, but I cannot...yet, Jesus tells me I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. So what's the deal? Well the deal is, the Lord fills us with His Spirit, but He also gives us practical, straightforward advice that we need, to make the decision and choice to follow and that's where I fail. I know that it's sin for me to overeat, yet I will justify and rationalize overeating.

One major habit from my past, that I'd stopped for some time but has resurfaced is eating at night. When I was younger I used to make myself feel better by eating snacks at night. I stopped doing this to help with weight control, but over the last year or so I've had bouts of this off and on.

I try to balance out the pendulum by exercising, but the exercise I've been doing recently is not enough to counter the amount of food I'm taking in. So, then comes the guilt...then with the guilt comes the shame, frustration, anger and the vicious cycle. I then am tempted to overeat or eat something sweet. So, what do I do...well, I cannot do this on my own...I have tried for years..I need to truly rely on the Lord, but one thing I read in a devotional that made a light bulb click was this question,

"What is my true motive for losing weight?"

 If I am honest about the answer to this question, the truth is a lot of it is tied to me feeling better about me, looking better, fitting into clothes I like, being more attractive for my husband ...etc. Yet, the right motive should be to glorify the Lord with my body and to be healthy. That is a reason, but it's not always the true motivation to want to lose weight, so then my motivation, my stamina, my zeal weakens..and on and on it goes.

I'm coming to a crossroads again in this journey, and I'm wanting to come to a place of surrender..I'm almost there, but there is resistance in me. There is a stubbornness. There is, how many times do I have to try this and fail...but the Lord says if we put our hope in Him..not ourselves, not self-help books, not diet plans, not other people..but in Him..He will not disappoint. So, here I come again, for the same old thing...needing God to hold my hand, to lift me up, to carry me through, to whisper in my ear you can do this with me.

 "And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us". *Romans 5:5

 Each day of this journey may not be successful, I am pretty sure there will be failures, setbacks etc. But, the goal is to dust myself off, get up and keep trying. I get so close to giving up, but the Lord won't let me. His kindness leads to repentance...and Jesus for the 100, 000, 000 time I come to You, confess I can't, You can...I need Your help and I need Your Spirit to give me the strength to resist overeating, to resist eating at night, to resist secret eating, to resist buying things that will tempt me etc. Please help me to find a healthy balance, a middle ground...because even though I've made strides in exercise and have been doing things I usually don't do...I still have a long way to go..so, baby steps I suppose and on we walk, hand in hand again closer to You and away from depending on food to fill voids in my heart.

Thank You Lord for Your amazing grace and for HOPE!
Carry Me- Josh Wilson (Very encouraging song***