"I don't have much to show for it". It is a phrase that tends to be used when someone worked really hard and they don't feel like the end justified the means. After all, when you work hard at something, you want to see results, right?
It seems there are lots of things in life that can make one feel that way;
- Weight loss/fitness and maintenance
- Time management and organization
- Work related efforts or projects
- Ministry endeavors or outreach
- Artistic or creative projects
- Keeping things up at home-getting chores done, preparing meals, caring for children etc.
I think one of the ways my family showed they loved me was through food. My Mom and Grandma are Costa Rican and when I was growing up, when you were bothered by something, the answer to that problem was to get you something to eat. So, like many I grew up an emotional eater. So, I've had to face the consequences and daily battle those tendencies. It's an ironic thing to think it would be nice to lose some weight, but right now I want that cheesecake. Obviously, eating the cheescake isn't going to help me lose any weight, but do I enjoy it? Sure I do..is it delicious? Of course it is, but will I reach my weight lost goals? No! Why, because cheesecake is rich in fat and sugar and all the yummy "sinful" (that's in jest) things that will prevent me from attaining those goals. Yet, I don't want to go the other extreme and skip meals, eat practically nothing and over exercise for the sake of wanting to reach a goal. I've been guilty of it all. I've been fat, thin (for short periods of my life) and everything in between. As I said, it's a daily battle.
Recently I've been walking a lot..I walk miles upon miles..I enjoy things like cheesecake periodically, but I don't binge like I used to in College and I know that I work harder then I ever did, at least I would say I am a bit more consistent than years ago with getting exercise, as I've discovered it's not an option for me, it's a need. I need it. I need it because it helps me feel better, I need it because it gets me out of the house, I need it because it balances me out emotionally, and I need it to keep me healthy to serve my family.
The ideas of trying to look like a super model that I had when I was a kid are long gone. I look at myself in the mirror and I realize I'm over 30, I've had a kiddo, my body has changed and my time isn't for me alone. My time needs to be divided and mostly given to my family above my own needs and aspirations. It's not to say that I can't keep working at losing weight or eating healthy, but it can't become everything, because it's not. When I die, the Lord's not going to ask me, "How much did you weigh? What was your dress size? What were your measurements and how did this all match up with you BMI?"
No, the Lord is going to be more concerned with how I loved Him and served Him, loved my family and friends and how I lived for Him. I do believe that taking care of the temple is imperative to serve God, but I don't think that it's healthy to let it become a god in our lives. Periodically it has become that way with me. This idea, this image, this goal I have wanted to attain had become a god in my life.. but I don't want to live that way.
Today, I pray Lord help me be healthy..even if I walk miles upon miles and only lose 0.80 % of a pound in a month and lose 1.4 inch on my measurements and I still wear big girl clothes, at least I'm trying. I don't think the Lord has called me to eat lettuce and drink water on a permanent basis, upon which I am sure I'd lose TONS of weight, but also end up in the hospital for malnutrition. Yet, I can watch my portions, keep walking, drink water, get rest, and more importantly love my family and friends. That's the best exercise, that lasts beyond our earthly bodies and affects souls for eternity.
So today, I can do what I can with what I have. I have walking shoes, a jogging stroller, and elliptical if need be, and the ability to walk. I might not be able to lift obscene amounts of weight or have 6 pack abs or a slim and fit physique. But I have my health, I have the Lord who loves me at every size and my husband who loves me, cheers me on in my efforts and finds me attractive as I am, and a son who loves me and likes to snuggle with Mama because she's soft. :)
So if you're feeling like you're coming short or don't have much to show for the hard work you do, fear not...the Lord loves you, He's not always concerned with the end, sometimes it's the process that draws us to Him that matters and gets us there and His Love, assurance and encouragement are priceless!
Be blessed, be encouraged and keep doing what you are doing...if the Lord is with you, you have everything!
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