Needing Jesus

⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength^[a] of my heart and my portion forever.

*Psalm 73:25-26 

Hmmm...did you think it was possible to be lonely, even when you are married and have a child? It is possible...it's not the kind of lonely in that you don't have someone with you and sharing life with you. It's not the kind of lonely where you never come in contact with others. It's not the kind of lonely where you refuse to be in touch with others..It's the kind of lonely of the deeper parts of you, You know? The complex parts of you that well are misunderstood...sometimes I just want to be wanted completely with all my faults, not judged or criticized and be totally understood and accepted. Yet, though I may seek this here and there and everywhere,  no one is capable of that, except my Jesus, My Savior, my Best friend; .Who despite my stupidity, stubbornness and distant heart loves me, understands me, and accepts me and even wants me.

I know that the Lord is the only one that can truly love me like that. You see I've been avoiding the Lord...I have been reading scripture, reading devotionals, trying to be encouraging to others spiritually, yet all the while I'm hurting inside. I hurt, because the truth is I need to be like Mary and just sit with my Savior. He's been saying, "Johanna, come be with me"..And I've been putting Him off. I get busy with "good things" that should be done yet, with doing "good things" I am missing out on the BEST THING, fellowship with my Savior. I get caught up with facebook to connect with others, yet I am lonely, because I just need to be with Jesus. So I felt like I was hit between the eyes when our guest speaker talked about how social media is causing greater loneliness..*sigh* It's true..at least recently I've been feeling this way, very much.

So, here I am in brokenness..tears in my eyes, because I truly need the Lord, but I have been leaving Him on the outside and not letting Him in. Why? Because I am afraid of what He wants to do..Afraid of what He wants to say..Afraid that He's going to ask me to change..and even though I know I need to change, grow and move forward...I feel stuck. So, right now I confess Lord I truly need You.. I heard this song today and the chorus went like this,

 Lord, I need You, Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
   My one defense, my righteousness
  Oh God, how I need You

 Our youth lead worship and it was beautiful. I am so grateful for this song, it truly reflects my heart. I am a needy person...I really need Jesus!

I don't know why He loves me so much, but He does, because I know He calls to me persistently and is constantly inviting me to sit with Him. Lord forgive me, for not coming to You. Thank You for Your patience with me. Please don't ever stop inviting me to be with You...Thank You Lord.

Matt Maher who sings two songs, in the link below, shares his heart and he pretty much says everything I have been thinking recently. Thank You Lord for this beautiful song that I can identify with and praise You with. Please help me to stop being so foolish and to answer when You call. In Jesus Name. Amen.
My Only Love & Lord I Need You-Matt Maher

LORD I NEED YOU~Matt Maher (LYRICS)

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay
Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You